The 13 Most Shameless Super Mario Rip-Offs on iPhone

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He's the most iconic cartoon character on earth - a video game legend and the star of nearly three decades worth of incredible platforming games, go-karting games, freelance gynecologic work and whatever the hell he was doing in that game alleyway. Yet aside from a few trips and stumbles, Nintendo always makes sure that every entry in the Super Mario franchise has fantastic quality control.

Sadly though, Nintendo doesn't make any of these terrible Super Mario rip-offs on the iPhone. Most of these have since been altered or removed entirely from the App store since their initial slips past Apple security, but here we have preserved them as they originally appeared in all of their awful, awful glory.

Editor's Note: Every single one of the titles below are (or at least were) real, actual games that hit the iOS App Store.

3D Cartoon Land Safari

You see, the way copyright law works is that if you change only one detail of a product you've completely stolen, nobody can ever sue you. Right?

A Kaizo World

"AVOID DON'T BUY DODGE THIS GAME TO SAVING A DOLLAR"

Barrels!

Donkey Wrong.

Cloud Run

DELETE ->

Game Guy

Remember when classic retro handheld systems had the phrase "Classic Retro Handheld System" on them?

Mole Kart

Instead of a blue shell, why not throw your credit card?

Monino

How many "lifes" have been wasted playing this shameless rip-off?

Otaku Dash

Yes, that's a pile of sh*t. On top of the pile of sh*t that is this game. So basically this game has pile of sh*t inside a pile of sh*t. Sh*t.

Super Daddio

This game runs at more frames per second than Mario 64, hence it's better so therefore checkmate.

Super Jump World

At least this one manages to ditch the anti-European stereotypes inherent in the actual Mario games. Oh wait, this one is just racist against the Irish.

Super World Adventures

Why play as Mario when there's a farmer who just realized how high he was?

Tommy's World

Oh no! Watch out, Tommy!

Wait, who the f*ck is Tommy?!?

Ultra Dario

When there's no more Mega Barrio, Duper Marlo and Superb Sargento in hell, the Ultra Dario will walk the earth.

Brian Altano and Mike Drucker are hopefully much more fun and original than any of these terrible clones when they write IGN's premier comedy news show, Up At Noon. Follow them on Twitter at @agentbizzle and @MikeDrucker.


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Hawaii Five-0: Season 3's Big Changes, Including Mama McGarrett

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Hawaii Five-0 ended its second season in a big way, with every character’s life in turmoil, either physically or mentally. With Season 3 set to debut this Monday, I recently visited the Oahu set of the series, and the first big example of this turmoil was standing in front of me, doing a a scene with Alex O’Loughlin as Steve McGarrett – Christine Lahti, playing Steve’s mom, Doris. This of course is oh-so notable because Doris was believed to be dead until the Season 2 finale.

“We deal with that immediately,” O’Loughlin told me. “He sits down with his mom and says, ‘All right, please explain.’ There’s a lot that goes along with that, too. One would think after 20 years you’d be thrilled to know that your mother’s still alive, but there’s a lot more that needs to be processed before that luxury. Basically, the devastation that’s gone in the household and the family and his life is largely due to the decisions that she made. The murder of his father was the direct result of the constant pursuit of her killers and what happened to her. So that immediately drops Steve into a place of pretty deep resentment and confusion.”

When last we saw Chin Ho (Daniel Dae Kim), he was given a horrible decision to make, with his wife, Mailia (Reiko Aylesworth) and his cousin, Kono (Grace Park) both in deadly scenarios in separate locations thanks to William Baldwin’s villainous Frank Delano – and Chin chose to go to his wife. The Season 3 premiere will find Chin facing even more crucial decisions and put through the wringer emotionally.

Said Daniel Dae Kim, “I think it’s really interesting stuff for an actor to play because we are in what essentially is a crime procedural. It’s a crime of the week, we all know the format, it’s all over the television. Generally, as an audience, you know what to expect. As an actor, when you get material like this that’s of a very personal nature and speaks to their character’s history and future, it’s very, very rare. So I appreciate it a great deal. It’s the kind of material that makes me feel like an actor, so it’s been really fun to play. It’s been great for Chin Ho to kind of reveal those sides of himself. That’s the one great thing about television: character can reveal itself week to week as opposed to over the course of two hours in a film. So yeah, I really appreciate the opportunity to get material like that, and I’m looking forward to seeing what the ramifications of it are.”

Team Five-0

Going forward this season, Chin will have to deal all of his recent actions. Said Kim, “He’s had to make some choices that he might not be proud of, in more than one way. You’ll see residual effects of it in subsequent episodes. I like the fact that it’s not just a ‘one-episode and done’ thing. It affects him physically, psychologically, as the season progresses.”

Danny ‘Danno’ Williams (Scott Caan) may have had the least jaw-dropping plotline occurring in the season finale, but it certainly was still one of vast importance to his character – as his ex-wife and her husband are threatening to take Danny’s daughter away from Hawaii, leading to his decision to fight her legally.

Daniel Dae Kim and Scott Caan in Hawaii Five-0

Regarding this turn of events, Caan said, “It’s obviously something fun to play with and something I like to do. The more character stuff they give me, the better. The more stuff they give me with my daughter or my family members, the better. The deeper I can dig and the more honest I can be, the more fun I can have. Ultimately, doing procedural stuff is more the job of this. But when you get the other stuff, it’s when you kind of light up and have more fun and play around a little bit more. I obviously enjoy that stuff the most. Anything that pokes me or upsets me or gets me going is good for drama.”

Continue to Page 2 as I talk to the Five-0 cast about a new series regular, more on Mama McGarrett's secrets and... Zombie Kono!?


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Doctor Who: "A Town Called Mercy" Review

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Note: Full Spoilers for the episode follow.

For a character who spends most of his time fixing wrongs, rooting for the small guy, and drifting in and out of lives/towns/planets, it's surprising that the Doctor hasn't had more cowboy adventures.

In fact, there's only ever been one real Who Western to date - and while 1966's The Gunfighters wasn't exactly what you'd call a classic (the common - and untrue - pop culture myth goes that it had the lowest rating of any Doctor Who story ever), A Town Called Mercy proves that the Doctor suits the genre as well as he rocks a Stetson.

When Amy, Rory and the Doctor appeared in the remote backwaters of the great American dream (well, prairie), the bloodletting game was already afoot. A cyborg cowboy was on the hunt for an alien Doctor, and was going to hold a whole Wild West town hostage until he found (and more importantly, killed) him.

In a tale full of sliding morality scales and shades of ethical grey, the answer wasn't quite as simple as it appeared. For a story touting genocidal vivisectionists, murderous cyborgs, moustache-twirling Sheriffs (courtesy of Farscape's superb Ben Browder doing his best Josh Brolin-lite) and gun-toting townspeople, it was - surprisingly - the Doctor who proved the most volatile.

Throw in a sexually confused talking horse, an exploding spaceship, and some dry, typically British humour ("I don't want to miss The Archers"/"Who got toast crumbs on the console?") amongst all the traditionally American genre tropes, and you had a story that managed to celebrate all things both Who and Western.

When it comes to Westerns, it's all about the mood. Get the score, cinematography and set design wrong, and you've got more chance of looking like a Disney theme park village than a gruff, intense adventure into the heart of gunslinging darkness. Thankfully, writer Toby Whithouse (the man behind the genius Being Human, and last season's not-so-genius Who episode 'The God Complex') and director Saul Metzstein (who just finished work on the Second Unit of our other favourite gritty shoot-em-up of the moment, Dredd) have obviously done their genre research.

While it still held true to a pre-watershed family friendliness, there was a bewitchingly moody beauty to the episode, thanks no doubt to the decision to shoot in Spain, in an area where an array of classic Westerns (including A Fistful of Dollars and The Good, The Bad & Ugly) were also made. More importantly, everything fans would want from a Who Western was there - the Doctor rocking a stetson, straddling a horse and chewing a toothpick, a face-off at high noon, an (almost) bar fight etc etc.

And while the Terminator-meets-Predator killer cyborg offered solid thrills, it was in the Doctor's moral uncertainty that the episode really galvanised. Matt Smith dialled down the wacky to explore the cold, judgemental friction that we've seen simmering away since the Doctor returned in The Asylum of the Daleks. His willingness to cross a line both literal and metaphorical, and throw a mass murderer to the gattling-gun happy robo-dogs prompted a Batman-ish moral dilemma - how many times must his mercy come back to bite him in the (surprisingly chapless) ass before he finally cracked and dished out a murderously final punishment?

While Amy's convincingly impassioned wake-up call seemed to do the job, and simultaneously remind us of the importance of the humanity the Who companions bring to the TARDIS, it'll be interesting to see where things go from here - and if the Doctor's renewed mercy is the very thing that leads to Amy and Rory's potentially tragic departure.

Rated as a Doctor Who episode, A Town Called Mercy was a weighty, progressive, sumptuous and entertaining adventure.

Rated as a sci-fi western (hello Cowboys & Aliens), it was a nigh-on classic.


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Doctor Who: "A Town Called Mercy" Review

0 comments


For a character who spends most of his time fixing wrongs, rooting for the small guy, and drifting in and out of lives/towns/planets, it's surprising that the Doctor hasn't had more cowboy adventures.

In fact, there's only ever been one real Who Western to date - and while 1966's The Gunfighters wasn't exactly what you'd call a classic (the common - and untrue - pop culture myth goes that it had the lowest rating of any Doctor Who story ever), A Town Called Mercy proves that the Doctor suits the genre as well as he rocks a Stetson.

When Amy, Rory and the Doctor appeared in the remote backwaters of the great American dream (well, prairie), the bloodletting game was already afoot. A cyborg cowboy was on the hunt for an alien Doctor, and was going to hold a whole Wild West town hostage until he found (and more importantly, killed) him.

In a tale full of sliding morality scales and shades of ethical grey, the answer wasn't quite as simple as it appeared. For a story touting genocidal vivisectionists, murderous cyborgs, moustache-twirling Sheriffs (courtesy of Farscape's superb Ben Browder doing his best Josh Brolin-lite) and gun-toting townspeople, it was - surprisingly - the Doctor who proved the most volatile.

Throw in a sexually confused talking horse, an exploding spaceship, and some dry, typically British humour ("I don't want to miss The Archers"/"Who got toast crumbs on the console?") amongst all the traditionally American genre tropes, and you had a story that managed to celebrate all things both Who and Western.

When it comes to Westerns, it's all about the mood. Get the score, cinematography and set design wrong, and you've got more chance of looking like a Disney theme park village than a gruff, intense adventure into the heart of gunslinging darkness. Thankfully, writer Toby Whithouse (the man behind the genius Being Human, and last season's not-so-genius Who episode 'The God Complex') and director Saul Metzstein (who just finished work on the Second Unit of our other favourite gritty shoot-em-up of the moment, Dredd) have obviously done their genre research.

While it still held true to a pre-watershed family friendliness, there was a bewitchingly moody beauty to the episode, thanks no doubt to the decision to shoot in Spain, in an area where an array of classic Westerns (including A Fistful of Dollars and The Good, The Bad & Ugly) were also made. More importantly, everything fans would want from a Who Western was there - the Doctor rocking a stetson, straddling a horse and chewing a toothpick, a face-off at high noon, an (almost) bar fight etc etc.

And while the Terminator-meets-Predator killer cyborg offered solid thrills, it was in the Doctor's moral uncertainty that the episode really galvanised. Matt Smith dialled down the wacky to explore the cold, judgemental friction that we've seen simmering away since the Doctor returned in The Asylum of the Daleks. His willingness to cross a line both literal and metaphorical, and throw a mass murderer to the gattling-gun happy robo-dogs prompted a Batman-ish moral dilemma - how many times must his mercy come back to bite him in the (surprisingly chapless) ass before he finally cracked and dished out a murderously final punishment?

While Amy's convincingly impassioned wake-up call seemed to do the job, and simultaneously remind us of the importance of the humanity the Who companions bring to the TARDIS, it'll be interesting to see where things go from here - and if the Doctor's renewed mercy is the very thing that leads to Amy and Rory's potentially tragic departure.

Rated as a Doctor Who episode, A Town Called Mercy was a weighty, progressive, sumptuous and entertaining adventure.

Rated as a sci-fi western (hello Cowboys & Aliens), it was a nigh-on classic.


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